I am lost. Today is the day that I feel I have lost complete control of my life. With the pressures of finals week approaching, projects needing to be completed, roommate drama, conference presentations, and preparing for the start of graduate school next semester, my mental and physical health are starting to take a nose dive. For a while now I have been trying to hold it together, but it seems that once I finally have some control on the various situations, an unknown variable enters the fray and knocks me down again. My body and mind are exhausted, and I come home every day and collapse in exhaustion and don't want to do any of the tasks that need to be done because I am unmotivated to do anything but sleep and try and let my body recover to survive the week. Recently, I have been getting worried that I am not ready for the next step in my education, that I have made a mistake.
Today was the day I was about ready to throw my hands in the air and say to hell with it I don’t care anymore, that is until I remembered my tree. A tree that stands strong, tall, and proud in a forest filled with other trees that do the same. A tree that is there to shelter me on my worst days when all seems wrong with the world. I can close my eyes and hear the wind as it blows through its branches, I can smell the earthy pine scent that encompasses the trunk when I lean against it. I feel the rough bark against my back telling letting me know its stable and looking to help anchor my overwhelmed body. I take a deep breath in and let the scent and the fresh air that surrounds my tree to calm down my overworking brain and exhausted body telling them to relax and conclude that it will be all right. I stay like this for several minutes, allowing me to have a break from the crazy, allowing my body to be free rather than drowning. Ridding my mind of my worries and realizing I have made the right choices to be where I am.
I take one more deep breath allowing the fresh air to calm my body before I have to leave again. There is always a struggle having to leave my tree. I know that staying would be better for me, but I know finishing what is left is what must be done. I know it will be rough and push me to beyond my limit and to my breaking point, but it will get done. I know I may end up broken and tired at the end, but I am not worried, I have my tree; I can always come back to when life knocks me down.
This blog is a compilation of thoughts, essays, class projects, recipes, etc. from SNOW Athletes.
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